sorry I've been away for so long.
My situation is a complicated one.
I left my moms house to get away from the chaos that kept me from being the good person that I wanted to be.
My mom is reluctant to get rid of the roommate that has plagued us for a long time. Those who have been through my deviants know of this roommate.
I finally said, " you know, fuck it. I'm tired of this, I'm done. If he won't leave, then I will."
My situation is an unstable one and I am stuck staying wtih friends. This makes it difficult for job hunting, as if the bad econonmy isn't bad enough.
However despite being majorly poor, I am a lot happier.
No chaotic people, just chaotic stability, but I know God will find a way for me to live a better life, but my first step was to get away from the people that kept me from knowing the grace that is the force of the universe. Love my mom, but apparently she doesn't love me that much.
perhaps it's too much to ask, but she had so many opportunities to get rid of him, but never took them. She was too chicken.
and of course when I finally bring this up with her...she starts laying out all my faults to make me feel guilty about how I feel, like how he had helped me out a few times and I should be grateful.
Yes, I don't deny that he did help me. And I was grateful.
I don't hate the man, but I could not live with him.
Most abusive people will use generosity to manipulate their victim. My mom played his game by saying such.
but you know what, I give up...there is no way I'm gonna get through to her. She's gonna continue to think what she thinks and you know what, that' s fine. I throw in the towell. I'm not gonna fall victim to that crap again. just because I don't let someone walk all over me, it doesn't mean I am ungrateful. Yes, I will be grateful for someones generosity, but I will never bend if they decide it gives them the license to control me or treat me like crap. And in the end, they really weren't being generous at all, they were merely using it for their own personal gain. That is the type of person the naked mole rat roommate was. The only thing I did wrong was fall for it every time when he was generous.
I never hated the man, but I hated what he would do to me and my mom. i was never ungrateful for the good things he did. And at times I turned to him as a father figure because he made me believe on many occasions he had changed. but each time I was proved wrong.that is the only thing I did wrong was fall for it every time and not say no when he was generous. Yes, I was grateful for his generosity, but that didn't mean he could call me names, make me feel like crap, or control me.
anyhoo, enough about that.
needless to say I have not had access to a scanner. It may be a long time before this thing is updated. And beleive me this needs and update.
Especially since i no longer like Turk.
and actually I have a boyfreind now...obviously I found someone who actually returns my feelings.
I am grateful to Yahwei for blessing me with this happiness and helping me through all this.
btw, there are kind people in this world. you just gotta know where to look.